BFF'S

See all these beautiful ladies? I am thankful for every one of them. They are my best friends...and believe me...I have found out who my friends are:). Each one of them brings something amazing to my life and I am blessed to have them. I know if I needed something, I could call, and they would do everything in their power to help me. I LOVE YOU SHAWNEE, JEN JEN, JODI, ELIZABETH, KATIE, & ROBIN!!

Behind as usual:)

Okay...I said I would post everyday and...well...I didn't:). Time to catch up...SO...

Thursday - I am thankful for my ex-husband who is currently my fiance. He has become the man I needed him to be and God has done amazing things through him...and will continue to no doubt. I have been in love with Brad since I was 16 years old...nothing has ever changed that. He has become an amazing father and husband and I am VERY thankful to have him in my life.

Friday - I am thankful for the people who made me who I am today. Some people might NOT be thankful for who I am today...lol...BUT:). My parents are AMAZING. They have loved me unconditionally...and believe me, that has not always been easy. They have supported me financially, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. They have prayed for me, they have encouraged me, they have cried for and with me. They taught me how to LOVE and appreciate people. Beyond being amazing parents...they are amazing people...living examples of Christ's love. I am supremely blessed to be able to call them Mom & Dad:).

And YES...I am spoiled:)

I am thankful for:

This month I will (try:) to post something I am thankful for everyday. I am beyond thankful for the relationship I have found with Christ. Divorce sucks but it has made for an amazing journey with my Saviour. I have discovered what it is to be married to Christ....to trust Him completely. AWESOME:).

So everyday I will try to post something I am thankful for.

Today I will dedicate to my beautiful kids. I sometimes forget how precious they are. I forget that some moms never get the opportunity to hold their children and some have had to face loss that I hope I never comprehend. My children were at times the only thing that motivated me to get out of bed...they are the most precious gift God has ever given me.

fear

Fear makes us act out. It makes us do things we normally wouldn't. Some people let it control their actions...I know...I used to. I am sure in many ways, I still do. What is a person to do with completely irrational fear?

........................pray............................

I am sitting here in the dark...not afraid....but worried, upset, and TIRED of dealing with my son's irrational fear and God just whispered in my ear. The solution is simple....pray.

well...DUH...:)

"Be still and know that I am God," Psalm 46:10

Live and let live...

"LIVE AND LET LIVE," was posted on a friends facebook status. Just one out of a hundred but it stood out. Why did they feel the need to post that? What part of their life was being completely judged?

It is no fun to have the world pick apart your every decision. And when you live at home, engaged to the man who you divorced, with no job (And yes it does make you feel like a failure...thanks:)...you feel like you live under a microscope of vultures. What is she thinking...he is no good? Why don't they move out...what a disgrace? How can she turn down a job...she just expects her parents to keep helping her? She is so spoiled...that is codependency, how unhealthy...what have I NOT heard??

I have to admit...part of me wants to stand up and defend and another part of me wants to lay down and feel defeated...and yes world...that is what our judgements do to people...make them feel DEFEATED. Is that what we want when we judge people? To shame them into doing what WE think is best?

God asked Noah to build an Ark...when it wasn't raining. God has asked my cousin Jennifer to go to Kenya at Christmas...she doesn't have a job. God asked me to give Brad a second chance...we are divorced and it wasn't really all that great the first time. God asks my friend Robin to stop and pray for strangers. God asks ordinary people to do extraordinary things EVERYDAY...things that don't make sense to anyone...often they don't even make sense to those he asks. BUT THEY DO IT...and we, the rest of the world, look on clucking our toungues and condemning their craziness. I have been guilty...I don't understand why people do what they do...but it isn't my place to question. I, myself, have turned down much needed jobs...and people think I have lost my mind...but I trust my creator. I, myself don't understand what is happening and get discouraged...but I TRUST my CREATOR.

Live and let live, friends. I am guilty of all these things but we never know what God is leading others to do.

I hope my friend that posted this comment reads this and knows that I feel her pain. Just do what God is leading you to do and don't worry about the rest of the world:)

I struggle

Discernment is a term used in Christian tradition to describe the process of discerning God's will for one's life.

It is a one sentence definition. It's not a hard to understand what IT is....it's just hard to understand what to DO with it. We hear this word all the time...but how DO we discern what it is God's will for our lives?

What if things change? Circumstances change all the time...it gets complicated. And when things get complicated...people stress out and stop trying.

It is a struggle...it is MY struggle. I want to be able to discern what is of God and what is not. I want to be in God's perfect will but I have spent more time lately trying to understand God's will instead of just talking and listening to him.

God wants us to seek him...always. But with a child like spirit...don't question, don't get confused...just seek and you will find. It's simple. It's NOT complicated.

So...starting this minute...no more struggle. No more complicated. I will seek the will of God and I will listen to the one voice that matters. HIS.

School starts TOMORROW

...and I am sad. My son is 6 years old...yes, some of you that are reading this are getting old:). He is starting the first grade tomorrow...and though I am excited that he is getting older and growing up...a part of me is really sad that we are going back to school. I will miss being with him all day. Sure he has driven me crazy...but the times that he came and snuggled with me or the games of Operation or the "homework" we did most days...I will miss that. I will miss my baby girl as she goes to daycare. I MISS BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM! There I said it.

Why does that cause me guilt?? I feel selfish for wanting to be with my kids...how stupid is that??

Anyways...I am not excited for school to start. Bishop will do great...I feel really good about the dual language program he is going to be in. I really hope we can continue it until he is 6...but that is all in God's hands and not for me to worry about. It isn't a GT program but it is a "higher level thinking" option which is what he needs.

I do think I have decided to student teach first semester and unless God convicts me to sub or I find a job...I will be staying home second semester. I will take on more hours at McD's and get some more programs started for them...but I will get to spend more time with her. I WANT this last year...just her and I. I had Bishop for three years by himself...she deserves a semester.

I am okay with where we are. Living with my parents is...what it is. There are pros and cons but right now it works for us. My parents are in limbo for a couple of years as well so it just works. It isn't ideal...I miss painted walls:) but I also enjoy sneaking out for dinner with Brad after the kids are asleep. I am okay that I am not teaching...I feel like this is exactly where God wants us to be for now.

I will be praying for all the children going back to school tomorrow...God is severely missed in public schools.